[[Gifted. Beyond. Understanding]]

Finals are here!!! This is my last week of school and you would think I”d be excited to get it over with….well I’ve been dreading these past few days. Because now it is time to study and finish up those last minute reports. I just want it to be over. I have 3 papers to write and 5 exams to study for with one being take home. Monday is the first of December and I have scholarships to begin as well. College life is stressful at times, but when the degree is in hand hopefully the salary at the end of the rode will be worth it.

~J. Rob

I’ve finally made it to my 20s. What will this decade produce? All I can really hope for is greatness. I don’t have much to talk about now because its kinda late and I’m tired, but I’ll post about my birthday a little later on in the day.

~J. Rob

I’m anxious. I’m fearful. I’m obnoxious. I’m turning two decades in a matter of 3 days. My birthday is probably the greatest day in the world for me. Just how I feel as everyone’s birthday should be just as great for them. Anyways, I kinda wanna re-invent myself for my twenties. I don’t wanna be the crazy confused teenager that I am now. I wanna see a major overhaul take place. Seriously!!! I want my twenties to be completely different than my teen years.

How? I’m not quite sure, but it will happen.

~J. Rob

Where exactly do I start?

Well in the past few days I’ve been toying with the idea of joining the Air Force. Ain’t that some shit! Me here in college working on completing my 2nd year decides to up and join the Air Force. Now it was preset by the fact that I was broke as shit!!! I had to ask my boss for the money, that was stooping to a new low for me. So depending on how things turn out: if I get the R.A. position, a new job that pays double digits, and I’m able to pay for my tuition in full will do me all kinda good and prevent me from going in.

Besides that school is officially over with almost….one day which is Tuesday. I have papers due and stuff so I’ll be burning the midnight oil doing those. My birthday is Thanksgiving this year I’ll be turning 20. Nothing really planned everyone will be going home. I unfortunately don’t have the funds to make it there. Right now I’m sitting here trying to come up with some money to cover my expenses and figure out how to earn some extra cash. Right now my life is dictated on my cash flow. Money really does make the world go around.

On the flip side that I do find a good job I’ll be moving off campus. Later on acquiring a dog. And a whole bunch of other stuff. Well I haven’t been working out or writing. I think instead of me saying that I’m going to do things I need to just go ahead and do them instead. It seems to work out better that way if I do. Because things have a better chance of actually getting done. Well Christmas is just around the corner as well and I should be going home for those days. Well see of course. I’m about done rambling I need to go “do” somethings.

~J. Rob

Time to gear up and get in shape. I’m giving myself 6 weeks to do so. Best of luck self. lol

~J. Rob

One full week of school to go. FInals and test galore. Along with special projects to be done for extra credit! Just doesn’t feel like there is enough time in a day.

~J. Rob

When I can look in the mirror.

& no longer recognize myself.

Then I know I’ve changed.

For better or for worse.

Well that’s not for me to decide.

God is my creator, so I shant care for his judgment.

Either!

Because if he would have made me perfect.

There wouldn’t have been a need.

To create other human beings after me.

Jesus Christ.

Was but a man.

Yet, the Bible fails to cover his life’s journey.

Did the writers fall asleep….

…when the great orator [known as God] delivered it unto them?

Or!

Did they run out of a cohesive story to tell to the masses?

It is my belief that….. 

….any man or woman who could possibly be….

PERFECT!

Would have killed themselves.

For even touching down on the earth’s surface.

Why be surrounded by imperfection?

It just seems too simple to me.

How could we as human beings know…

…..the workings of a man [God] whose never been seen?

I’m suppose to take my word from a prophet [pastor].

Who has shown himself to me to be nothing…

….nothing more…..

….nothing more than a man.

Man made religion for you to follow.

But I created these thoughts for you to read.

At the end of the day….

…..you decide what you wanna believe.

& I’ll just keep looking to the sky [Heavens].

Walking along listening to my Ipod.

Spitting out my own Gospel [truth].

In hopes that it’ll be passed down.

For generation after generation to follow ->

Ever looked in the mirror and not recognize the person before your very eyes? I’ve just experienced it this past month or so. Its an unnverving thought to know you no longer recognize yourself. You’ve changed and you didn’t even realize it. I look deep into my eyes and I see no trace of me. What the fuck was I thinking? I was trying so hard to be “different” that different isn’t even what I achieved. Meaning….I’ve lost touch with myself. Caught up in an unsuccessful life, that barely makes it by. Where’d I go and why did I leave?

~J. Rob

I’m Loving This Album Right Now!!!

It’s almost like deja vu. Here I am at the edge of the cliff ready to JUMP!!! Everything in me is telling me to take that leap. My economic situation, my sanity, my freewill, and my procrastinator is even prepared & on time for this one. That goes to show you right there that this is a serious matter at hand. Should I stay in school or should I let it go??

I’m not sure what to do anymore. I’ve been through this same battle last year. Only I was climbing down the hill. With the help of my mother and my Literature teacher I was able to make it back upon the ledge safely with the temptation still hot on my trial. But this time, all my mother can do is look on & pray for me. No professors are around to pull me back….all eyes are on me. I’ve made bad choices in my life, but I’d never think that choosing to go to college would be one of them.

Maybe if I had put more effort into my selection would that have helped. Or if I would have taken the easier classes instead of trying to challenge myself that would have been the better cause. I graduated high school with a 2.9…. and some change. Obviously, I didn’t make it for the HOPE scholarship here in Georgia. So I went into school with no HOPE, but with an opportunity to attain it. I failed.

I’ve always wanted to work since I was 9 years old. I finally got the chance to do so when I turned 16. My first job was at Winn-Dixie. I had applied at other stores, but no one wanted to give me a chance. I interviewed at Burger King; however, I obviously tanked seeing as I never received my call back. My point in bringing this up is that I’ve learned that I love to work. Add an education on top of that and I’m set. I tried to have that combo here in college, and its been fluctuating ever since. I couldn’t find a job my first year because I had no car. Now, I have my car but its difficult to find a job because of the market.

Anyways, after my FIRST SEMESTER I had knew from jump that I wasn’t ready for college. My mind was still excited from graduating and living on my own. I wanted to explore the world. Travel to distant lands do some of the tings that my friends had already gotten to do. Hell even work because employers want someone with experience too. A degree is great but if you don’t have anything behind it what good are you to the company. I’m not sure anymore.

My dream of one day to become a doctor is still very much real. However, my outlook and chance of getting there is slim to none by the means of my grades. I can’t go back and wipe my record clean. I riddle my transcript with C’s and D’s. What medical school in this country do you know wants a C student, when there are plenty of 4.0 er’s  out there competing to have the same spot. Who am I compared to them? How do I compete? Fuck affirmative action that doesn’t mean anything to me. I didn’t make it in based on my OWN merit, but because of my skin color. Foolishness.

Likewise, there is hope. Hell look at Barack Obama and how he’s done things. How he hasn’t taken his education for granted and how its worked for him. He is big on education and so am I. I just rather it be overhauled to fit a new standard. Maybe I’m asking for too much or being too radical but I’m not feeling the higher educational system at all these days. I’m honest to God not sure what will happen. I do know that I’ll be in medical school one of these days. Now as to how I will be getting there is another story.

~J.Rob